


Sorry, Cas, No Kissing

by PeachGO3



Series: SPN Inspired by German Songs [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Closeted Dean Winchester, First Kiss, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 11:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18850111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachGO3/pseuds/PeachGO3
Summary: Seeing Dean semi-panicking while trying to maintain an unachievable standard of masculinity was both sad and cute. Mostly cute, because Castiel was sure that his human would eventually come to terms with himself.





	Sorry, Cas, No Kissing

**Author's Note:**

> “Küssen Verboten“ by acapella group Die Prinzen made me write this some time ago and it was a lot of fun. Enjoy ♡

Having Castiel permanently in the bunker had already given the boys several benefits, Dean thought. For one, he’s was always on the spot when there was a new case or an emergency. Not that he hadn’t been there to help when he wasn’t permanently living with the Winchesters, but it made planning and teaming up way more convenient and faster. Team Free Will’s efficiency.

Secondly, although the angel didn’t have to eat, he always helped washing the dishes and tidying up. Great.

And lastly, he was just an overall great guy to have around. Castiel may be out of touch with some things – okay, maybe a whole lot of things – but he was also very charming and compassionate. And the angel was also pleasant to look at, the hunter had admitted that to himself several years ago. Since then, Castiel’s presence kept reminding him of his… sexuality.

Dean thought about all these things when Cas had yet again sat down beside him in silence. They exchanged a few casual glances (there weren’t _that_ casual according to Sam) and then the two just were there, Dean drinking his beer and Castiel sitting silently by his side.

It had taken a while for Sam to arrive in the kitchen and Dean didn’t know what to make out of this fact. “Stressful day, huh?” Sam said as he turned to the fridge. “We’ve had worse ones,” Castiel said.

“Ghouls are nasty, but at least they spared this beautiful face,” Dean agreed before taking another sip.

Castiel eyed him from the side. “I would’ve healed your face anyway.”

Dean took a deep sip as Sam cleared his throat.

“Yeah, ah, anyway. Where’s Jack?”

“In his room,” Castiel replied. “He told me he wanted to read up on cooking and stewing.”

“After this case? Yikes.” Sam’s face distorted as he left the kitchen with a bottle of beer in his hands.

Dean waited until he heard no more steps. Then he turned to Castiel to say, “I told you I don’t want you to heal my face.” The angel sighed in unhappiness. “Sorry. But I could not forgive myself if something happened to your face.”

Dean blinked. “Okay, that… is just weird.”

Castiel crooked his head. “Why? It’s a very handsome face. I’m sure it’s the number one thing that gets all the girls who you ask out to fall in love with you.”

“Okay,” Dean intervened, “stop right there, buddy.”

“You said so yourself, on more than one occasion. You said ‘beautiful face’ just now, in fact.”

“Yeah, but that’s, that’s different,” Dean said in a final tone as he emptied the bottle and stood up. He may have come out to himself (if you could call it like that), but that didn’t mean he had to admit it to everyone else, too. Even less so to Castiel.

 

 _You want to have me_  
_‘cause you think I’m handsome_  
 _I have to say –_  
 _I fully understand that_

 

The next night, there was a knock on Dean’s door when he was about to start his slasher movie marathon. “Come in.”

The trenchcoated angel sheepishly shoved himself into the room. “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey. Wanna join me? I’m about to watch cinema’s greatest blood shedding of all time.” Castiel adjusted his posture, smiling. “You mean movies? I would very much like to join you then.” He seemed stiff, well, stiffer than usual. Dean frowned. “Cool… Everything okay, buddy?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Castiel said as he sat down on the edge of Dean’s bed, where the hunter had sprawled his body.

Dean handed Castiel a bag a potato chips. “Want some?”

“Thanks.” The angel fumbled a bit with the bag, but happily ate a handful.

Dean started the DVD and enjoyed the relaxed evening, but when he turned to Castiel during his favorite scenes to drop some fun facts or just express his joy, the angel always seemed to look at him rather than the screen. He smiled when Dean smiled, and he nodded with a stern face when Dean complained about something (mostly about haters’ bullshit opinions).

Castiel would sometimes ask a question, such as why the girl wouldn’t use the knife she’s carrying with her, or why the group had split up in the first place. Dean happily explained things to him, but he was at a loss of words when the couple kissed in the end, blood soaked and happy to have survived, and Castiel slowly turned his head towards him. Dean tried to ignore it.

“They kiss,” he loudly said after some time, “because they finally realized their love through their fight against the monster, in the midst of a bloodbath. You remember when she saved his life from the slasher? That’s the moment he finally realized his feelings for her.”

Castiel looked away again, and Dean was happy with that reaction. God, that was hard.

Then, all of a sudden, “We’ve never kissed after a bloodbath.”

Dean almost choked. “Really? Yeah, well, that’s, that’s…”

“I understand it doesn’t consort with your definition of personal space. And last time I implemented something I saw on TV in my real-life interactions, it was rather awkward.”

Dean cleared his throat. “Yeah, that, ah, pizza man thing. That was inappropriate, you should’ve learned your lesson.”

He saw Castiel crook his head. “You remember it?”

“Err, yeah? That’s how awkward it was.”

Castiel smiled, but it was a confused smile. There must’ve been another reason Dean remembered this unimportant incident from nearly ten years ago. “Dean, it was just a kiss. Although, I have to say, I think I didn’t kiss half bad.”

“Dude,” Dean interrupted, pausing the rolling credits, “you talk too much.”

Castiel turned his head. Dean was actually looking at him now, well, he eyed him with worry and that undying and ever-lasting longing. He had looked at Castiel like that many, many times before, ever since their first meeting. He wasn’t sure when he first felt the urge to kiss Dean in these moments, just like the pizza man, it had simply happened somewhere along the line.

He wanted to try so badly. Lips pressed together, grinding against a wall. Humans didn’t always kiss rough like that, Castiel had noticed, but right now, he wanted to kiss Dean like that. He wanted to give his favorite human comfort and certainty and safety and –

“Dude,” Dean said again, and Castiel’s train of thought came to an abrupt halt. “You’re looking at me like that again.”

Castiel looked down. “Sorry.”

“No kissing. Ha. I don’t wanna sound like a douche, but it’s kinda creeping me out,” Dean said and shoved another handful of chips into his mouth.

“I understand. I’ll try to keep it down,” Castiel assured him, but he smiled widely as he said it. Dean was trying to shield himself with this coping mechanism but ignored the single option to end his dilemma in amazing ignorance. Every day. Seeing Dean semi-panicking while trying to maintain an unachievable standard of masculinity was both sad and cute. Mostly cute, because Castiel was sure that his human would eventually come to terms with himself. But he had to come to this conclusion by himself. Castiel still had to wait.

 

 _You give presents to me_  
_and wash my dishes_  
 _And I think to myself_  
 _that it’s nice having you around_

 

Dean wasn’t sure what to make of Castiel as of lately.

He really liked the angel. It would be insane if he didn’t, after everything that they’ve been through. But the blue eyes and the intense gazes had given Dean a lot more thoughts pretty early on. And the worst thing was – angels weren’t opposed to same-sex relationships, Castiel even looked like he wanted to… kiss him. Or was that just wishful thinking? Either way, Castiel could read him like a book. It would’ve been ridiculous if the angel hadn’t noticed by now.

However, all of this was too fast. Dean wanted to keep control.  
Whenever Castiel came too close to him (usually after Dean vented upset or bitterness), he jumped. Just like this morning.

“I’m so fed up with these idiots,” he murmured as he tossed aside his phone, and the angel was right by his side.

“Dean. What is bothering you?”

“Oh, nothing. I should stop reading the news, I guess,” Dean snarled and took an angry sip from his coffee.

“If it upsets you this much, then maybe you should,” Castiel agreed and slid closer on the bench. Dean almost choked. The angel was _so close_ again. It was fucking tempting. “Say, isn’t that thing uncomfortable in the morning?” he asked and pointed to Castiel’s trench coat to have at least something like a conversation.

Castiel smiled. “I don’t sleep, so I’m not half wake in the morning and need no comfort before getting ready for the day.”

“Figures. Oh, man, I’m tired,” Dean murmured into his mug as he took another, markedly longer sip. More like a gulp.

When he lowered the mug and looked Castiel in the eyes, it was just a teeny bit too long, a millisecond maybe, but the tender eye contact prompted the angel to lean forward slightly, his head crooked as always, pink lips parted –

“Whoah.”

The angel flinched due to the loudness of Dean’s voice and widened his eyes. The hunter had backed away.

“Sorry, man, b-but how often do I,” Dean began nervously, but just then Jack appeared in the doorframe, rubbing his sleepy eyes, and Dean immediately stopped talking.

The boy looked confused. “Morning. Is everything alright?”

“Yes,” Dean said simply, staring at the table with overwhelming frustration. Castiel made no move to increase the gap between them, so they just sat awkwardly next to each other as Jack got pulled away by an amused Sam.

 

_However, there’s a thing that I can’t stand at all –  
Your wet lips coming too close to me_

 

Castiel’s lips were strange. Whenever Dean looked at them full frontal, they gave the impression of two full and soft pillows, pink and puffy. Ridiculously attractive and perfect for tender, slow kissing. But when he could only see Castiel’s profile, the illusion was broken and revealed the flatness of his mouth. It was still silky pink though. And still attractive.

It wasn’t that Dean wasn’t curious how they felt, hell, he thought about that way too often by now. But Dean wanted to choose the right moment, he wanted to be in full control of the situation. To put it bluntly, he wanted to kiss and not be kissed. Usually it was the other way around, but with a guy… with Cas…

And there was still a single last question: Was he in love with Cas? _With Cas?_ Or was it just a crush? Or was he fantasizing about a friend? Couldn’t be, he told himself, they trusted each other deeply, that was completely different from a crush. And blushing and those looks weren’t like friends.

The more Dean thought about it – everything they had been gone through could’ve just as easily been a couple’s adventure. Married even.

But he quickly shook off that thought. They weren’t alone, after all. Jack was there, what would he think? Or their mom? Mary would see her son in a totally different light, that was sure. (Sam would say he knew all along, he was that kind of asshole.)

Dean tossed and turned. During the last nights, he had particular sleeping problems.

Kissing was so different. Hunting and killing monsters together were one thing, _but kissing was so different._ He closed his eyes and pursed his lips, worked his jaw as if he kissed the air.

For fuck’s sake, Dean thought and stood up, sneaking into the kitchen to get a midnight snack. He should’ve known the angel could hear him.

“Dean?”

“Hm?” The hunter had a piece of baloney in his mouth as he turned around.

“Is everything alright?” Castiel asked. Head crooked. Dean swallowed. “Yeah. Can’t sleep, that’s all.”

Castiel eyed him intensely as he stepped closer, yet again invading Dean’s personal space. “You haven’t slept in days,” he said.

“Yeah.”

Dean sighed and put down the baloney. He couldn’t keep any secrets from that angel. Not a single one. If Cas would’ve seen that he kissed _air_ just a few minutes ago, he would be most confused. But maybe not even surprised. His eyes were blue and wide as always. Dean almost smiled because of the comfort they radiated.

Castiel’s lips curved upwards.

Dean blinked. “What?”

“It’s just…” He chuckled and stepped back. “I just realized I was coming too close to you. You know, into where you don’t like to have me.”

“That’s a super-weird way of phrasing it,” Dean interrupted, but the angel just smiled on. “But you didn’t say anything against it this time. You did not seem to mind. That made me happy,” he said.

Dean swallowed as Castiel mumbled some more, about how he had probably ruined the moment and was sorry and all, but Dean said it was his fault and that he wasn’t himself. “Well, maybe it’s because you’re so tired. I know it’s frustrating when you’re tired but unable to fall asleep. I’ve been through that, too. When I was human.”

“Well, to be fair, how could you know how to fall asleep when you’ve never slept before? You’ve never needed that skill before. Perfectly normal,” Dean snickered. It was the middle of the night, but he felt more relaxed now.

But Castiel had taken that as a fully serious statement. “It’s not a _skill_ ,” he said firmly. “There is a point where one just falls asleep because one is no longer able to stay awake and think about what happened that day or what might have happened, it’s just…” He looked into Dean’s eyes again, endearing.

“It just happens.”

“I guess it does,” Dean said, surprised by his own bittersweet tone.

Fuck it. Before the hunter could possibly change his mind, he grabbed Castiel’s warm hand to hold him as he tilted his head, opposite to Castiel’s, eyes shut, feeling an overwhelming deliverance wash over him.

Dean leaned in.

 

 _Kissing’s forbidden_  
_Strictly forbidden_  
 _No one who’s ever seen me would’ve believed that,_  
 _but kissing is actually off limits with me_


End file.
